|Currently, item can be shipped only within the U.S.
||[Dec. 23rd, 2005|04:35 pm]
I don't know. I try to make a contribution to this internet thing. I try real hard sometimes. I think it's important. But it doesn't matter. I can't even make a dent. The internet belongs to the collective, and sometimes it's obvious. These things just spring up like mushrooms. It's damn magical.|
Big Mouth Billy Bass. A controversial man, but well liked. Popular, even. Why?
" Big Mouth Billy Bass is a very funny piece of comedy. It has the outer appearance of a well taxidermied fish, but is in actuality, a robotic singing fish. You just put Billy on a wall, table, bookshelf, endshelf, mantle or any other place at all, and when someone walks by, he starts singing a song and wiggling around. It is really funny because people don't expect it, because its a fish, and it looks dead, but it is actually not dead, it is robotic, and it can sing. You could really surprise a person in your office, or a child, or an older person with this. I'm certain that especially older peoples will fall for this gag, because often, the elderlies are not aware of technology.
A child might also like this, and it could possibly be used to teach songs to children in a group learning environment with a microphone and a speaker rig. Or perhaps a funny principal could have it in his office, and sometimes it would sing."
I don't know where this one really comes from. The guy who did the review hasn't reviewed anything else. Is this capitalism gone awry? He has that foreign mystique about him though, doesn't he? A sincerity that can only come from being utterly in over your head.
Some of these reviews are obviously satirical and some are by small children, but they aren't the real interest. There are some self proclaimed adults here.
"Steve", a reviewer of no little renown, says:
"This is a cute little device that will amuse people who have never seen it before. It's also useful to hear Billy Bass sing "Don't Worry, Be Happy" when you're a little depressed."
First an enigmatic traveler (do I detect the scent of cumin?) and now a man whose soul was lost long ago. I can almost feel the drudgery of an industrial workday fading into dull white light, pulsing to the rhythm-- "Take me to the river... Put me in the water..."
And then, just as we begin to fade into opiate induced coma...
BILLY BASS IS GOOD & VERY GOOD FISH> NO MATTER WHAT EVERY BODY THINK I T IS VERY GOOD IAM 35 YEAR OLD
And we are snapped to attention. This one I cannot explain. Small children do not have this kind of spelling-- and look, he used the ampersand. That's advanced.
He reminds me of a certain Fallen Idol.
Of course, not all of the reviewers are of the lower class:
"buy this cheesy fish for your friends. It's guaranteed to be the hit at a party. The fish is great for a party room."
This enigmatic globetrotter has found the perfect icebreaker. Ah! The marvels of the modern age!
And then a prophet of disturbing prescience, signed "The maw of hell, opened". After describing Big Mouth Billy Bass's shortcomings, he says:
"Dear God, please don't let them come up with a sequel. At least not before Christmas. The thought of a singing mounted deer head (or God forbid, moose) makes me shudder."
Of course, both these exist; the former in a sharper image catalogue, the latter at Six Flags Magic Mountain (its image I carry with me to this day, the only memory of The Most Depressing Restaurant In History too traumatic even to suppress.
But after this wisdom, another icepick to the skull:
"Great "ice breaker"
Think about "Billy" as an investment in someone's smile. What a great way to start up conversations with someone. No one can listen to the singing fish and not make SOME kind of comment! Even after the "new" wears off, it's funny to occasionally push the button when no one is suspecting and give 'em a little chuckle. Beware tho, the songs can get "stuck" in your head! Hey, life's short, be a little silly sometimes!"
Chilling. Life is short, O' gentle reader, and Big Mouth Billy Bass may be your last trainstop between this realm and the bleak halls of the underworld.
"Well if you like this sort of thing, then it is definately a knee slaper! But if you don't have a good sense of humor then you will find if a waste. I will say that it went over very well in my ENTIRE family, but, we tend to have a dry sense of humor. If you don't, then don't bother! If you do, well plan to laugh!"
Yes, a dry sense of humor.
I can't do anymore. It's just too much for me. Some people understand what's going on. Some of those reviewers have things straight. But those guys are there by mistake. They just wandered in. They wandered into a cultural party they just weren't ready for.
I mean, there's more. Protestations, disbelief, anger, apocalyptic dismay. Unadulterated joy, mirth, laughter, amusement, annoyance. Human emotion, in all flavors and degrees of sincerity. "Write a review". Dear God.